It's a beautiful life

The best 5 days of my life

And there will be more, not only untill the end of time, but untill the heaven strain us together. AMIN.

By the way, our photo never as humble and full of maturity as above.

This ain’t a story of life, it’s a story about love. When human being never understand what it means, never want to be separated anymore, never constrained in space and time. This is a story about physically space splitted two human beings in love apart.

The first day, 17 January 2010, I arrived in the beautiful old city called Yogyakarta, the woman I’ve been in love with, the woman I saved my money for, the woman who deserves anything I got, standing in pain for almost-heart-attack of waiting for several months I’ve been gone. The brown magic woman that made me willing to read so many fuckin boring journals, do my assignments, sacrifice my few lunch, and stand in love.

She caught my eyes, and hugged me in front of so many people who are waiting for their missing one, I kissed her forehead, and we walked under the stare of so many people. Jealousy, ooowh yeah, I could see that in your eyes people, I don’t care. I didn’t bring any baggage, so I was the first one got out from that station, IN HURRY, I MISS HER SOOO MUCH.

All the way down to 22nd of January, things never been this beautiful before. Unless the time we were together back to my “transition” time off course. To make the story shorter, we made the culinary adventure as Yogyakarta is the heaven of food, starts from nasi kucing untill SNACK as expensive as Rp. 95,000.00. Anddd....I got The Lost Symbol...hhehehe.

Just like Hayley said in Let This Go, I’ll never let this go. This is my path, this is my avenue, this is where I found that I do something not for my solely self purpose. So, my definition of love is when you feel you’re nothing untill somebody loves you.

This separation will lead us stronger.

Comeback to Kuala Lumpur, hate to say it, but my life feels empty. No concert in the next two months. Part-suck-time job is waiting. Assignments await, which is the only one I’m excited to do. OK, maybe two, along with photography workshop commitee. However, thanks God, for stretching me this far, I do believe You have the best plan for me, for her, for all of us. I do.

NB:

• Paramore sings on my ear “this heart, it beats, beats for only you, my heart is yours.”

I got my ticket for April. The other mission to accomplish....Yeeah!!

My "home" process

Ihaan did half of it, I did the rest half

she's all my world

fully dedicated to

Pramadhani Reihan Tuasikal

This is the End

dedicated to

Pramadhani Reihan Tuasikal

Internal versus External Locus of Control

Internal Locus of Control versus External Locus of Control

This theory developed by Jullian Rotter. This depicts as the reason of what happening into our lives, wether we put ourselves as the cause of success and failure or external situation as the cause of our success and failure. Some people so proud to show us that every success he or she had is because his or her own effort and blame the envi?ronment for such thing called failure.

Internal locus of control consists self-esteem, self-confident, self-blhaa..blahh.bla...Every effort human makes, personality, intellegence, gender, physical apperarance, emotional stability, management quality and any other things related INSIDE the person itself, Some people has so much reliance on themselves, nothing happened in this world to themselves caused by any other aspect, just them.

Oppositely, luck, faith, environment depicted as the cause of success of failure or success by people that has External Locus of Control. They believe that everything they got caused by luck, and everything that they failed to accomplish is not their fault, it's the situation.

So, what is the best approach? What if I say this, NOTHIN'. Do we have to have both? The answer is absolutely NO, because we already have it. Here is the thing, WORLD IS NOT LINEAR, IT'S MULTILINEAR. World doesn't work like simple mathematic, where everything can be calculated, and every thing has it caused and effect, and it's not difficult to explain it.

Try this, explain to some 3 years old kid, what air is. Try to explain to them why we breathe, what is breathing, or how we walk, or how they made, or even why we angry, sad, happy. I'll give you a standing applause if you can do that and make them understand and never ask that stuff again and again. LIVE IS NOT A SIMPLE CAUSE AND EFFECT EVENT.

You don't eat some food just becoz you hungry, what about the taste, price, amount, or even your supersticious to some food? If so, every food will be priced the same in the world, and everybody will have the same health condition.

Easy isn't it?

Think about this, LIVE IS COMPLEX. Some people find their soulmate, some people don't. Some people lucky enough to be born in rich family, some people don't, some people lucky to have a good education level, some don't. Some people lucky to have a complete part of body, some people don't. SOME PEOPLE LUCKY TO HAVE THEIR ONE, SOME DON'T. I'M THE LUCKIEST ONE IN THIS LAST PART!!!

This is my believe, affected by Taleb, Black Swan. Actually it's been taught years ago, Taleb just the trigger. Life is a serial of luck. We don't choose to be born in what kind of family, we don't choose to be a man or woman, we don't choose to have some handicap or advantage within any other human.

You'll think, "what about efforts we made?" here's the answer, all we do is make ourselves to be deserved to get the luck. Some people work very hard to be a smart people, eventually he smart, in his or her own standard. You may know everything, but where these information come from, book? Where is the book come from? Publisher? Where is the paper come from? Wood? What about the technology to make a paper? China made it? Imagine if you were born in that time, No pen, No paper, no book. Now, you can extent this thinking to modern technnology. Today's 5 years old kid MUST BE SMARTER BECOZ OF THEIR LUCK compare to 40-50 years ago, not becoz of the time only.

So many things happened in the world becoz of luck, faith. Google, Youtube, or even the 9/11. Imagine if the security system was more advance, imagine if the door of control room coudn't be disrupted by bullet. Imagine if the lamp is not made yet, imagine if we can predict our future. Imagine if we were not born as we are now.

So, what do we have to do? Again, do your best, wish your luck, and be grateful on what you have, be patient on what you don't have, becoz LIVE IS NOT LINEAR.

BEWARE!!!

BEWARE!!!

Things are getting better and better this week, I'VE BOUGHT THE TICKET...WAIT FOR ME MY SUNSHINE!!!

I'm goin to start to write this blog in English, since I have to adapt the other class, another lecture that is completely different from the rudimentary one. My friends said that SHE's stringent on running the class. Owh...I'm sooooo scareeeed.

This is the story of ticket buying. One day I decided to go to KL sentral since I don't have any credit card to pay the ticket directly from the internet. So i left there in intention to pay it in cash. I got there before 9, so the booth still closed, I wait till it opened.

When it was open I came on the front line, the system down, SUCK, I have to wait for a couple minutes. Once it officially open I stood up in line. "17 to 22nd January please!", I was so darn confident since I saw the price less that a hundred. Suddenly that lady showed me the price on her fuckin calculator...393RM...what the f**k? She saw my stunned face, then she told me that the price on the internet is promotion fare, and I have to pay directly from the internet. I got no idea, so I jumped in front of the computer nearby, in the same booth. I opened the site, then I typed in my data...I was looking around, looking for ideas,then I asked the lady beside me. "Can i have a favor please? I need to use your credit card, I will give u the cash." I know its hard believe person you just meet. So she said, this is not my card, my bro's card. Emh...Shit.

I was looking around, and there's a woman behind me said that she can help me. Hufft...Short story, She used her card, it's done, and I gave her my money. I tried to give her more as her favor, she refused. Can you see now that God's around us N?

The second one just happened by now. I've been trying to withdraw money from atms here. Nothing's work. So I called Mandiri, the lady said there's nothin wrong, f**k. So i checked every single atm I could meet. Same fuckin story. I text my mom that's probably somethins wrong with the sending process. I wait, I eat, and I missed my Dad's call. I text him that I was on the road. He called afterwards, and THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE SENDING. RELIEVED...

Here are the things, first I would like to thank God for what He has done this far. I can see that we have to act in order to gain the self fulfillment. Status quo is bullshit if you don't wanna to feel empty, believe in Him, He has his own way that none of us know how it works. I would like to say, stay in your gut, get along with youself, initiate to build you strength instead of focus in you weakness and do nothin. Substance, not the sizzle.

Second, I'd like to warn my self. God can simply slump you all over again so you can understand that this is His own way to make u better. He can give u another tests in order to say "yes" on your pray. He always answers, but in the way that we never expect, or the answer just as simple as "no". We'll never able to predict what is going to happen to ourselves, we'll never be able to predict what is going on around us that affecr us, directly or indirectly. Life is the series of luck, all we do is make ourselves deserve to get the luck.

We dont' wanna be a chicken in the farm that feed every single day then think that these man are good, they will slaughter us as we big enough. Beware, think smart, think fast, and think big.

Thanks N.

Trees

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Black and White Nostalgic